I am really a pretty easy going air passenger. I don’t ask for much. I rarely bother my seatmates. I can handle sitting in coach and I don’t even moan when the person in front of me leans the seat back into my lap. I typically turn on my iPod, put my noise canceling headphones on and read a book or take a nap. However, I draw the line at children under two sitting on an adult’s lap anywhere in my vicinity.

Different authorities have voiced many opinions on this practice, but now I am going to throw in my two cents. First of all, what parent in their right mind thinks it is okay to hold an unbelted child on their lap while an aircraft takes off or lands? Let’s just look at the safety aspect to begin with. The adult is safely tucked in while the small child is free to become a projectile at the whim of turbulence, and this is assuming the adult is awake. If the adult has fallen asleep then it is anyone’s guess.

My second point is purely service oriented. It is bad enough that we sometimes get stuck in a seat that will not allow us to move in any direction and oftentimes leaves our bodies in a permanent sitting position long after arriving at our destination. However, the child under two is an added annoyance. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t dislike children, but I don’t like them sitting on my lap unless invited to do so either. I have a pet peeve with little ones falling asleep on me, kicking me, spilling their food on me, or worse yet, drooling on me in flight, and I fail to see the wisdom of an airline allowing parents with small children to inconvenience fellow passengers with this continued practice of flying free under two years of age as long as they are seated on an adult’s lap.

One time, while on the way to a one day business trip, I actually had a lap child spit up their mushy breakfast in my direction. While normally inappropriate in the best of circumstances, I was a little incensed at having to arrive at my meeting with the smell and stain of pureed peas on my suit. Another time, recently in fact, I attempted to get a few hours sleep on the way to New York from Los Angeles only to have the gentleman next to me allow his lap child to continuously hit me with various body parts as it restlessly tried to get comfortable across daddy’s lap. Despite being disturbed every five minutes I refrained from reminding “daddy” that the rule was the child stayed on his lap, not everyone elses. And just when I thought this was all bad enough, on my return trip from New York, I experienced another little jewel standing on her father’s lap while he slept in the seat in front of me. Not a big deal except she seemed to have some fascination with the contents inside her nose while leaning over the back of the chair in my direction.

So I ask readers, is it me or is this just an insane practice that has to stop? If I have to have a ticket to get on so should the child. If I have to sit in a seat, shouldn’t all children have to? Why is it okay for children under two to annoy and inconvenience paying passengers that are already annoyed at being crammed into a space the size of a dog carrier? And why for goodness sake do we, as a society, not have an issue with the reckless disregard for the child’s safety all in the name of saving a few bucks?

Reprinted from my blog at a national travel magazine

I suppose most of us usually travel on an airline assuming that our luggage will arrive either with us or, worst case scenario, a few days later. What we don’t expect is to find that our luggage has arrived, but only after having been completely plundered by the very people we entrusted it to, yet this is exactly what is happening with luggage going into and out of South Africa.

I thought it was a fluke when a friend of mine went there last year only to have one suitcase looted of anything that could possibly be resold, including her clothing. Luckily for her, they took the Levi’s and left the Armani! I then assumed it was coincidence when another friend divulged that a few months earlier a similar thing had happened to him when traveling to South Africa. One of his two bags had been opened and anything of value liberated. As I questioned both travelers, I was surprised to discover that in both situations the cases were opened with TSA keys! In fact, in one case they even left a little note indicating it had been officially opened – how kind. Of course, I found this to be appalling, but after realizing that it was airport personnel I became twice as concerned.

As the dawning of 2008 came and went without hearing of any more incidents I began to think that either the South African government had done as promised to stop the thefts or that it was indeed mere coincidence that two of my friends had been hit. After all, I have traveled there many times and have never had this experience despite State Department warnings. However, just the other day my neighbor’s sister arrived from South Africa having gone through a similar incident. Anything remotely worthwhile was missing from the suitcase. I immediately inquired as to whether or not she had put TSA locks on and whether they were still locked, to which she replied, “Yes, my dear. The TSA locks were there and still locked. The government has apparently solved the problem. Unfortunately, they cut the bag open due to no longer having the keys.”

As I scratched my head in semi-disbelief, I reminded myself of something every international traveler must tell themselves as they click their heels three times: “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.” Yes Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas anymore!

Reprinted from my blog at a national travel magazine

Okay, so it isn’t just airports in the U.S. that are insane. London’s “one bag” through security rule has got to go! Talk about a business disaster. How can a business person traveling abroad possibly contain everything down to one small bag for carry-on? Are we supposed to leave our laptops home? Does this REALLY make us more secure or is it just another kneejerk reaction to create a false sense of security?

Alright, enough about airports! How about more on airlines? American carriers must be kidding! How much more can they torture us in economy? Now, normally I am fortunate enough to fly business, but this time there just wasn’t any room so I toughed it out and flew economy from London to Los Angeles. The food was nauseating and I almost broke a tooth on the frozen sandwich. The 4-inch screen on the back of the seat was at least bigger than my iPod, but a little difficult to see at two inches from my face when the passenger in front of me reclined. Not a big deal, though, as my knees were already in excruciating pain from being jammed past my upper leg and into my hip bone. Watching a movie became less important.

So, I thought, okay, I’ll just try and get a little shut-eye. I can actually sleep standing up if necessary, which is good as I wasn’t far from that position. There was a little 6-year-old cherub sitting next to me and she had been a fairly pleasant little girl with a quick wit. Not exactly what I had expected, but quite enjoyable as it also gave me a bit more room. Luckily, 6-year-olds are still small in the world of airline seats and rarely require use of the common two-inch armrest. Ah, wait a minute! What would really help is an ice cold beer or a cocktail to lure me into dreamland and hopefully keep my neck from freezing in the awkward position I was about to put it in. Alas, they were coming by with the drink trolley! How perfect. WRONG! $5.00 for a beer on an international 11-hour flight? Are they joking? Apparently not! It seems that American carriers started charging for alcohol in economy about two years ago over transatlantic routes – a barbaric practice that has still not happened on ANY international carrier. It was the one thing I could look forward to on a miserable torturous experience.

So, the moral to the story is – I will have to fly through or from London over and over again and I will complain every time until they change that ridiculous rule. However, I will NOT be flying any American carrier on a transatlantic route unless I absolutely must–and until I calm down, I won’t even do it in Business or First.

Reprinted from my blog at a national travel magazine

This week I am on the road; well so to speak. I flew to Johannesburg, South Africa Monday night out of Los Angeles International Airport, and I’ve taken this route through London many times. In fact, sometimes 2-3 times a year. Now, I must tell you that I have traveled around the world much like most of you reading this, but I have never had quite an experience as I did this week.

When they asked us to start arriving 3 hours prior to departure for international flights after 9/11, I completely understood. I didn’t like it, but I understood. When they asked us to start taking off our shoes, I was annoyed, but I understood. When they asked us to leave our liquids at home or in our checked baggage I groaned, but once again, I forced myself to understand. We are a society afraid of everything and sure of nothing. Up until now, I have understood, but something seems to have snapped somewhere and I am wondering how much more we can take before we as travelers begin to snap ourselves.

First of all, it took an hour and a half to check in with the airline, but to their credit they did a fantastic job trying to sort through a full flight. So far, so good, but then of course comes the security line. I always have my laptop easily accessible and I only wear slip-on shoes for convenience, but this time none of that mattered. At Terminal 2, the security line was out the door and down the street. Okay, three international flights leaving at the same time from a terminal not built to handle the traffic; I get it. What I don’t understand is stupidity! Three international flights leaving at the same time and THREE open security lanes out of six available. TWO airport personnel checking passports and boarding passes at the end of the line, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Where is the sanity? We all realize that the fun has been taken out of travel, or at least the journey. Granny subjected to frisking, buying new toiletries in every city, barefoot on cold, dirty floors and more all in the name of national security, but what is next? Four hour check-in times, five hours? Missed flights and fist fights, planes departing half empty but full of baggage? You might think this sounds ridiculous, but if things don’t change soon that is exactly where we are headed.

I must, however, commend the three professionals from Virgin Atlantic

that took charge of the situation on their own and made sure all of their passengers were brought to the front of the line and ushered through despite the crowd growing increasingly more threatening.

Will I go through this again? Probably, because I have to, like most of us, but it is my sincere hope that some sanity begins to prevail or we will be destined for disaster.

Reprinted from my blog at a national travel magazine